Love: Hope's Eulogy for Nancy and Peter

THE FOLLOWING IS THE EULOGY GIVEN BY HOPE FEIST FOR HER MOTHER NANCY AND HER BABY BROTHER PETER DAVID ON JUNE 24TH, 2009 AT ALL SAINTS CATHOLIC CHURCH, WHICH WAS PACKED WITH PEOPLE, PRIESTS, DEACONS, AND EVEN FOUR BISHOPS. NANCY FEIST WAS A GOOD FRIEND TO ME AND AN ADVOCATE FOR ALL THE CLERGY IN THE DIOCESE OF KNOXVILLE. SHE WAS THE EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT TO OUR TWO LAST BISHOPS SINCE 2000. NANCY WAS ONE OF OUR FAITHFUL GUARDIANS OF THE EXPOSED BLESSED SACRAMENT ON FIRST FRIDAY'S AT KCHS. SHE LOVED KNOXVILLE CATHOLIC HIGH AND SHE WILL BE GREATLY MISSED BY ALL WHO KNEW HER. PLEASE KEEP THE FEIST FAMILY IN YOUR PRAYERS. HOPE FEIST IS A SOPHOMORE AT KCHS AND IS THE ELDEST DAUGHTER OF NANCY AND DAVE'S FIVE CHILDREN. MAY NANCY AND HER SON PETER REST IN PEACE IN THE STRONG ARMS OF JESUS, FOREVER, AMEN.

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“I love you, higher than the sky, and deeper than the ocean”

I can’t tell you how many times in my lifetime my mother has said those words to me. It was our own phrase, our trademark, and I think it says a lot about her. The first reading that we chose for today talks about a mother’s love. And even though we’re told God’s love is even greater than a mother’s, our mother’s love, I believe her love was just about as boundless and plentiful as any love comes.

I’m standing in front of you all today, and in the space of three or four minutes I’m supposed to tell you all about my mother. I don’t know what to say and what not to say. I’m supposed to tell all of you about her life, her loves, her goodness…… everything. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that, but I sure as heck am going to try.

Back at Monsignor Thoni’s 60th anniversary celebration just weeks ago, when Archbishop Kurtz did his homily, he was able to sum up Fr. Thoni’s years of service in one incredible sentence. I can’t think up a good sentence like he did, but I do have one word for Mama. Love. In everything she did, everyone she met. Mom was love.

Daddy, I know you already know this, but Mommy loved you more than anyone else on this earth. She would have done anything for you. And I know everyone around you has been telling you this (and I don’t mean to be repetitive) but she won’t stop loving you from where she is. She’ll be with you as much as she always has been. And baby Peter and the two others are right there with her.

Justin…. I don’t even have real words of wisdom for you. You always loved and cherished Mommy. You were so thoughtful, and you tried to get her to do what she needed for herself more than anything else. She loved being there for you. She loved helping you with projects and coming to your games. She loved those midnight conversations you had with her after everyone else was already asleep. I’ll tell you what I told Daddy. She won’t stop loving you. Ever.

Ryan. I know how much you love Mama and how much she loves you. I know how special she was to you. I know you remember a lot of times with her from when you were really young. You remember snuggling with her early in the morning, and knocking on your ceiling in the middle of the night because her bedroom was right above yours. I’m sorry we used to tease you for always being the one to try and sit next to her at dinner and that sort of thing. I know she remembers that with love. She was so proud of you in everything you did, and everything you learned. And she always will be.

Craig, honey. You hang in there. I know how much you loved Mommy and how much she loved you. Remember all the time you spent with her? All the times driving places in the van, all the hugs, and all the kisses. Don’t forget those Craig. Mommy won’t. She loves you so much. She’s so pleased with all you’ve learned and at the young man you’re growing into. She was so glad when you started playing soccer because she knew how much fun you had running up and down that field. And she took so many pictures. She loves you.

Er-bear, honey. You were Mama’s baby for so long. She remembers all the time you spent together and all the times you held her hand and helped her with stuff she had to do. I’m scared you won’t remember her very much by the time you get older, but we will help you. She won’t ever forget you. And she knows how much you loved Baby Peter too. All the hugs you gave her and all the times you kissed her belly because you wanted to kiss the Baby. She loves you lots, right? You know that.

Nana and Grandad? All I can say is I’m sorry. I wish this wasn’t happening and that I could wave my hand and this would all go away. Everyone always says no parent should have to bury their child. But Mommy loved you so so so so much. She told me about memories she had from when she was little. She always loved seeing you and talking on the phone with you.

All our other family members who are here, the only thing I can do is repeat Mama’s theme of love. You were all so important to her and she loved having you as part of her life. In some cases she was the reason that the rest of us stayed in touch with you. Don’t think that just because she’s gone we’ll stop staying in touch. It won’t happen.

To all of Mommy’s friends and colleagues, all the clergy, and everyone else who knew her, she loved you too. I want to thank you for being here. I wish I could tell all of you individually how much you meant to her, but I’d be standing here for years if I tried to do that. Just know that she won’t ever forget you, and that we’ve got about the greatest prayer warrior EVER up there now.

I want to talk for a minute about Baby Peter, because we’re remembering him here today too. He was such a little blessing that got to be a part of our lives for a short while. The last time Mama went to the doctor he was one pound and seven ounces of pure, perfect baby. I’m so glad Fr. Augustine was able to baptize him, and that Father Pete and Father Reagan were able to be in that hospital room with my dad. We have Baby Peter’s little hand and footprints, and even a picture of him. You may have seen them already. I don’t mean to seem political here at all, but it made me wonder how anyone in the world can say that children inside the womb are not alive. Peter still had 14 weeks to go before he would have been born, but it was almost possible to save him even now. Anyone that says Peter wasn’t a real child or that any other child at 26 weeks in the womb isn’t really alive….. I just can’t even wrap my mind around how you’d convince yourself of that. I can’t wait till the day when I get to meet my mother and baby Peter together. But I know till then he’s up in heaven praying for us just as much as Mama is.

You know, when anyone close to you dies, the family and friends always talk about and discuss how kind, how good, how loving that person was. A lot of times they will say, “Ah, so and so was such a Saint”. And I don’t mean to be speaking out of turn here at all, but most of the time, that sentence is more than a little exaggerated. In my mother’s case, it wasn’t. I know Mama is a Saint. That’s just who she was. Mama could have gone anywhere with her skills and her training. You know she was in Good Housekeeping years and years ago as one of the most promising young women in America? She was a double major in German and English, and she worked for the German American Chamber of Commerce in New York City for a while. She could have gone far in her career. She decided to go far in a totally different way. She had all of us children, and stayed home with us, until a great friend asked her if she’d be willing to work for him. And even then she was serving in a completely different capacity than she would have if she’d wanted to become big and “further herself” in the career she’d thought of when she was younger. I don’t think she ever imagined how big an impact she had by being a wife, mother, and friend to us all.

I will tell you that my mother was one of my best friends. She knew more about me than anyone else did. I’ll always cherish the past two years when she’s driven me to school almost every morning. And the times when she’d drop everything to talk to me, when we’d get hot chocolate at Panera and then just sit in a parking lot somewhere and talk. About everything. I’ll remember the times we were goofballs making dinner and listening to music, when we’d start dancing in the kitchen. I’ll never ever ever forget all the love I have for my mother, and all the love she had for us.

I could talk all day about Mama, but I have to stop at some point. I want to end with just a few more notes. Mama’s favorite bible verse of all time was Jeremiah 29:11. It says, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future.” God does have some plan for all of us in the midst of this. We can’t doubt that. And one of the Beatitudes is “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” I guess Mama was just so pure in heart that God couldn’t wait to see her. But we will again, someday. Don’t worry.

Somewhere in a book I’ve read recently, there were two characters who kept being separated. I think it was because of war; I can’t really remember. But they never said goodbye. They always said, “Until we meet again” Because of the strange and sudden way that Mama died, most of us never got to say goodbye to her. So I, like the characters in that book, don’t want to say goodbye. I want to say, “Until we meet again”.

And I love you, Mama. Higher than the sky, and deeper than the ocean. For forever.

- Hope Feist, JUNE 24, 2009

"Cast yourself, all of yourself, with confidence into God and he will sustain you, heal you and make you safe."

I found this section of teaching of St. Albert the Great today, who is the Patron of our new Parish in Halls. I was trying to think about how to preach a homily for tonight on the Trinity. How do you preach effectively on a Mystery? I wish I could offer this to my parish, but in 7 minutes.... I think I'll try something a little less daunting. Still, I can't just leave it be and so I deposit it here with you, in the netherworld of my blog... Hope you get something out of it as I sure did!!!!

"The image of God as found in the soul consists of these three faculties, namely intellect, memory and will, and so long as they are not completely stamped with God, the soul is not yet deiform in accordance with the initial creation of the soul. For the true pattern of the soul is God, with whom it must be imprinted, like wax with a seal, and carry the mark of his impress. But this can never be complete until the intellect is perfectly illuminated, according to its capacity, with the knowledge of God, who is perfect truth, until the will is perfectly focused on the love of the perfect good, and until the memory is fully absorbed in turning to and enjoying eternal happiness, and in gladly and contentedly resting in it. And since the glory of the beatitude which is achieved in our heavenly homeland consists in the complete fulfilment of these three faculties, it follows that perfect initiation of them is perfection in this life....

Above all therefore it is necessary that things heard, seen, done and said, and other such things, must be received without adding things from the imagination, without mental associations and without emotional involvement, and one should not let past or future associations, implications or constructs of the imagination form and grow. For when constructs of the imagination are not allowed to enter the memory and mind one is not hindered.... So commit yourself confidently and without hesitation, all that you are, and everything else, individually and in general, to the unfailing and totally reliable providence of God, in silence and in peace, and he will work for you. He will liberate you and comfort you more fully, more effectively and more satisfactorily than if you were to dream about it all the time, day and night, and were to cast around frantically all over the place with the futile and confused thoughts of your mind in bondage, nor will you wear out your mind and body, wasting your time, and stupidly and pointlessly exhausting your strength....

For this to come about you must repeatedly retreat into your heart and remain there, keeping yourself free from everything, so far as is possible. You must always keep the eye of your mind clear and still. You must guard your understanding from daydreams and thoughts of earthly things. You must completely free the inclination of your will from worldly cares and cling with all your being to the supreme true good with fervent love. You must keep your memory always lifted up and firmly anchored in that same true supreme good and only uncreated reality. In just this way your whole mind gathered up with all its powers and faculties in God, may become one spirit with him, in whom the supreme perfection of life is known to consist....

So why do you still remain in yourself where you cannot stay? Cast yourself, all of yourself, with confidence into God and he will sustain you, heal you and make you safe. If you dwell on these things faithfully within, they will do more to confer a happy life on you than all riches, pleasures and honours, and above all the wisdom and knowledge of this present deceitful world and its life, even if you were to surpass in these matters all who ever lived." - St. Albert the Great 1206-1280 A.D.

There was a bishop, priest, a deacon, and a campus minister....

Many fans from Catholic made the trip down to the State Championship play-off games as well as our final game that we lost. As I drove home, I reflected on what transpired after that tough loss. Coach Sullivan gathered everyone together just beyond first base where they all knelt down to pray. Coach Sullivan is not Catholic, as many of you know, but he is surely a man of God. His relationship with all of his players and coaches is constantly centered on Christ. Everything Coach Sully does is pretty much ministry in the school, whether he's in the classroom, mowing grass, or coaching the Irish to yet another victory. We have one of the best looking baseball fields in Knox County, and even this is a testament to Coach Sullivan's understanding of stewardship in Christ Jesus. While I didn't hear everything he prayed, I heard enough. He asked the guys to use the bellyache in their guts to learn more about their relationship with Christ. He asked them to thank God for that bellyache and then to help the players learn from an awesome season. He spoke powerful words of encouragement to the departing seniors, most of whom had big tears rolling down their cheeks.

We were probably passing the Cookeville Exit when it hit me. Here was the Catholic Baseball team, having been lead to the State Championship game by a committed and serious Christian man who is not of our faith. Who was comforting them in their loss and time of sorrow? Their coach, a bishop, a priest, a deacon, and their campus minister, Mark Balog. Up in the stands was one of our two Dominicans, Sister Anna. Right after Coach Sully finished the prayer that he led, Bishop Stika offered a blessing to the whole team right there down the 1st base line. Those young men were surrounded by the Catholic faith with the fullness of orders being present. Catholic High is a beautiful collision of faiths. The fact that Fr. Michael Woods drove over there along with our own Apostle of Jesus Christ, Bishop Stika, is amazing. I am so thankful to be a small part of the family that is Knoxville Catholic High School, and that our daughter Sophie will be a freshman this Fall. It is with great excitement and delight that we send our daughter to Catholic High. May God continue to bless our school in every facet of what we endeavor! And to the 2009 baseball team, you brought us farther than we've ever been, just one game shy of winning it all, we thank you for all that practice, hard work, your academics, and your Irish fight. You can all hang your heads high when thinking about that achievement. And to the seniors, you've given your team-mates something that many thought impossible; thank you for your leadership on and off the field, and may God continue to bless you as you head into the next chapter of your lives. - dpat :)

Senior Night at Baseball.... perfect night all around!

Motorcycle Terminology from Thursday's Homily

Tail Gunner: best rider always goes last, this way more inexperienced riders can set their own pace rather than trying to catch up
Slinky: someone who constantly varies their speed, inconsistent and dangerous to all, wanders the lane, enters corners wrong...
Yard Shark: dog off a leash
Road Gator: retread with steel belts in the road
Mad Max: holding front brake while spinning the rear wheel creating smoke and spinning in circles
Horizontal Parking: crashing so the bike ends up horizontal to the ground
Superslab: the interstate system- direct wayh from point a to b but boring!
Twisties: two laner with a bunch of curves
Sweeper: a long fast curve on a "twisty."
Waxer: someone who spends more time waxing and washing than riding (poser).

A few weeks later... after we have returned from the Holy Land

We just went through the Easter Triduum and something interesting happend for me during the four liturgies that I participated in. Starting on Holy Thursday, the scriptures were opened to me in a new way. Places like Bethphage, Gabbatha, and Mt. Calvary were all places I have actually been, as opposed to geographic expressions which I simply lumped into the “Middle East.” When the gospel speaks of the Mount of Olives, the Garden of Gethsemane, and the Temple, I understand these places as concepts as they relate to other places in Jerusalem. The combination of my very much alive faith before seeing these things, combined with having actually walked the ground, is much greater than I could have imagined. As I read the scriptures, I’m looking up place names on maps, seeing where they are, and then from experience, extrapolating whether it’s a desert area or a fertile one. I’m gauging its distance from Jerusalem, and trying to imagine how much time has passed in the three year ministry so far and how much longer it will be to when the paschal mystery unfolds. To say that my faith has been enriched is an understatement. I have been given a great gift and one that will increase my own pneuma for the rest of my earthly life.

The Church Fathers often spoke in terms of the “8th day,” or the time when we can access God through the liturgy and private prayer, and surpass space and time. I found a lot of 8th day time on the ground in the Holy Land, but I also found it easier to access that day in the masses since my return. The gospel tells us that when the apostles walked with the risen Lord on the road to Ammeus, that they didn’t recognize Him, until the breaking of the bread. We have been, are, and will always be a Eucharistic people, working out our understanding of Christ in the context of the liturgy where all mystery lives on this planet. From the entrance hymn till the deacon’s dismissal, “Go in peace, to love and serve the Lord” is our call to be the hands and feet of Christ each day. It falls to us to pray for the our Church, the world, for those in need, and for ourselves that we may be deemed worthy of all that Christ promises. My short visit to the Holy Land was full and enriched by all those who I walked with, each of us on a pilgrimage to discover deeper meaning in our lives. I believe that we were all successful in that enterprise and that our shared experiences will bless all those we come into contact with.

Jesus was a real person. He walked the earth, he taught with the wisdom of God, He was obedient to His Father in heaven and in fact, perfected all humanity through his perfect ministry. He offered himself as a holy and living sacrifice for you and for me. All those since Adam now have the possibility of salvation because of His gift of his life, given for us. He awaits us in heaven with all the angels and saints and beckons us all to come to Him, to emulate his obedience, to help others on our way, and to establish an eternal friendship with Him so that at the end of time, we can live in the fullness of His presence. So let’s all make these 50 days to Pentecost really worth all the suffering we went through in Lent. The violet is gone, gold and white are our colors as we wait for red to come again and fill us with the Holy Spirit. He is risen from the dead, Halleuiah! Let’s act like we believe that for the next seven weeks.

Day 10: Mount of Beatitudes, Sea of Galilee, Jordan River

This morning I awoke early, even before the wake up call came. Knowing that this was our last full day in the Northern region, I wanted to waste not one minute of the day. I showered and meant to walk the grounds a bit before breakfast at 7am. I walked up the stairs and saw out the window, the sunrise on the Sea of Galilee and that was it. I ran outside, navigated through the walkways, and made my way to a place where I had an unobstructed view of the water and the sun coming up over it. I’m not sure if it’s seasonal or what, but there seems to always be heavy haze over the Sea. This always helps when shooting sunsets as it magnifies the light and enlarges the sun. I spent a fair amount of time shooting both stills and video and then when the good light was gone, I headed back up the hill to eat.

After an outdoor 8am Mass, our first stop today was a walk on the Mount of Beatitudes. We walked on a dirt path all the way down to the main road. We stopped at one point and Fr. Charlie and I climbed up the mountain to where there were a couple trees and an ancient cave. From there, Fr. Charlie addressed our group who were well below us on the hillside. It was self evident that Jesus could have taught 5,000 people from that place. The acoustics were very good, especially with a favorable wind, which we did not have today. Once you remove auto/bus traffic, pull the planes out of the sky, you’d be left with our Lord preaching in the draw of a shallow valley, that would be protected from strong winds. Fr. Charlie read from the Gospel according to Mathew, where Jesus proclaims to all the people that they are the light of the world.

We left there and visited an early Jewish settlement called Tabgha which is where Jesus fed the 5,000. It is the site of a serious archeological dig where they are uncovering artifacts that span multiple millenia. There we were able to see the impact of the the Greeks (Hellenism) as well as the constancy of the faith of the Jews throughout each time period, evidenced by many frescos showing the various influences in the region.

We next took a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee, which was really great. The pilot even showed us how you throw the net to catch fish but he came up empty twice, so I guess we showed little faith... It was nice to be out on the water, and know that we were looking out in all directions at scenery that would have been familiar to the apostles that he had taken under his wing to that point. I read the gospel account of Jesus calming the storm and with Peter walking briefly on the water himself, until he took his eyes off the Lord. Good lesson for us all. After the boat ride most of us enjoyed eating a lunch of “St. Peter’s Fish,” a type of Talapia that is found in the Sea of Galilee. I chickened out and had “St. Mathew’s Chicken” instead. I’ve never been a fish guy, and with the head and eyes staring at everyone as they picked through the bones, I didn’t feel like trying something new today.

Our next stop was to visit the town of Capernaum which is where Peter’s mother’s house is located. In the usual fashion, they built a super nice modern Church over the site, but they suspended it on huge legs so as not to cover the ruins of Peter’s home. You could look down into what was once a house, surrounded by a large stone wall. The center of the Church above has a glass floor so you can look straight down into the 1st century dwelling even while attending the parish Mass. Very cool! Just a few steps away from Peter’s house, there is an enormous synagogue there that is really impressive. It has massive columns still standing and the surrounding stones show etchings of the Temple in Jerusalem, the star of David (6 points) as well as the cross of xxxx (6 points). The site has been fairly well preserved and you can really see the streets winding their way through the many small dwellings that made up the sort of blue collar town of Capurnaum. At one point, our guilde Samil, showed us a set of steep stairs going up and stopping about five feet in the air. He described that this may have been the house in which the man’s friends cut a hole in the thatched roof so as to lower him down to be healed by Jesus.

We last traveled to a large city on the Mediteranian Sea where we got off the bus and got to walk on the beach. Behind the beach was this massive aqueduct still standing, from the time of ancient Rome. It's in amazingly good shape for its age. One of the pilgrims offered to take a photo of me in front of it. It's always the last day of a trip when I realize that I have no photos of myself, so I'm glad to have this one!