Once again we put some miles on our bus today, traveling in the Northern region of Israel. My personal favorite was Cana, where there is a special Church the Franciscans built to commemorate Jesus’ first miracle at the wedding in Cana. The artwork in these many Holy Land churches are often exquisite, and the Cana Church was no exception. But the highlight for me was no so much the building or even it’s location. Fr. Charlie invited all the married couples to renew their vows to each other, so after I read the gospel, Fr. Charlie asked them all to come up on the altar and hold hands facing him. then he preached for a short time on the sacrament, and how it’s unique among all the sacraments as it’s the only one where the people themselves are the ministers in the exchange of their vows. Deacons and priests simply “witness” the sacrament of marriage and represent the Church in doing so. The part that was cool for me, was that I could see all the faces of the couples, with their eyes locked onto each other. I saw the deep and profound love in each set of eyes, and the happiness that I saw made me miss my Ellie pretty badly. Before beginning the simple service, I quietly placed my wedding band on the altar of sacrifice in the Church. I said a prayer of thanksgiving to God for Ellie and our children, Sophie and Patrick, and asked God for more of the same that we’ve been receiving all these years: more blessing, faith, and protection.
My diaconal ministry flows out from within the context of our marriage together. It is a mystery as to how that works, but it does, but only because I have a wife filled with love, understanding and great patience. Many of us newly ordained Deacons would often remark during our formation time, that all we needed to do was to be more like our wives and everything else would fall into place. This is still true for us. Ellie is the better part of me; she does naturally what is so difficult for me to learn, which is to serve others like she breathes, without thought or sense of sacrifice. I am still learning this attribute and while I’ve made some progress, I have a long ways to go to catch up to most of our wives. September of 2010 will be our 20th anniversary so I need to start thinking about what we might do to mark that occasion.
I fear that I am suffering from a mild case of holy numbness as I feel almost robotic getting on and off the bus each day, walking among the ruins, and eating in large groups. Tomorrow I must make time for prayer as we are staying on the Mount of Beatitudes where Jesus fed the 5,000 and taught “the writings.” I will once again be preaching at Mass tomorrow... on the same mountain where Jesus, the Lord fed 5,000 and offered us the Beatitudes for the first time. Once again, it sounds silly to even write that. Who am I that I could offer anything of value to the faithful pilgrims? How crazy is it that we are all here, basking in the liturgy, history, art, theology, and trying to pry our hearts open a little more each day. I know I sound like a broken record, but it’s all gift.
The only relief I can receive is when I turn to Him and say “thank you” for these many opportunities to find touchstones, moments, and signs of Jesus’ love and mercy of each of us on the planet. At the center of that thank you is the Eucharist itself. And so we approach the Lord’s table and say Amen, I believe. An so, like the man who approached the Lord with his sick son, we also say, “help me in my unbelief.” Tonight, the Matt Maher song I’m listening to is Alive in You:
“It is You I seek in the night, waiting patiently to satisfy.
Not for human gain or worldly desires, but to lose myself in You forever.
You see through the veil into our hearts, the deepest place that no one else knows.
Not for human gain or worldly desires, but to die with you and rise forever.
You blood runs in my veins, my heart burns with your grace.
I’m alive in You as You live in me, I’m alive in You, Hope of glory.”
Goodnight, my Ellie. I long to be in your arms once again, and to do our “group hug” with the kids in the kitchen or aisle 7 at Kroger. dpat :)
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